Jim

Thursday November 3, 2011th

We went to get Jim's CT scan and his speech seemed to be getting worse.  When he was done he asked for me and I went over and took his hand.  He looked at me and started crying and said "I am tired of being strong.  I want to go home."  I told him I knew he wanted to go home and that I knew he missed the kids.  He said "no, I want to go home".  I told him we would be home soon and he said again "I want to go home."  I understood what he meant at that point and told him "Sorry I am too selfish but I need you here".  He said "Sorry i am selfish and I want to go."  My heart broke as I saw how much this has broken his spirit and will.  I stepped back and the sobs began.  I tried to compose myself but could not for a time.  He was back in the room with his family but Dan came out and said Jim wanted me.  I composed myself some and went in with him.  We got him his dinner and he began to eat.  He took a drink of water and began to choke. He told me his tongue, nose, and throat felt numb on the right side.  We called the nurse and she came and evaluated him again.  She brought the doctor back in and after she had evaluated him she said we needed to get the speech therapist in right away to evaluate his swallowing.  She started him on sodium drip to increase his blood pressure as she felt this was likely a clot in the artery where he had his strokes and the blood was not flowing past it so it was worsening the effect of the strokes he had already had.  She said the CT scan did not show another stroke but it may not show up until later on.  The therapist came in to do the swallow test and Jim was gurgling and aspirating and his speech was even more slurred than before.  She said he can have nothing to eat or drink and we will do further evaluations in the morning.  He has been sleeping the last couple of hours.  He woke a few min ago and was perspiring heavily again and is still seeeing double and very dizzy.  He seems to be resting well and we are hoping that this will be a temporary setback and he will feel much better after a good night rest.  Please keep praying for him to keep his will strong and that the doctors will be led to find out all we need to so he can be healthy and not go through this again.  Please pray for our kids as I know this is very difficult on them, especially as I cannot be close to love and comfort them.  Thanks again for all the love and prayers.